web analytics
A Few Observations (humor)

The Case for Vegans

Vegetarians. Vegans Lacto-Vegans. How about meat-eating vegans? I’m in the last group. Look, not eating meat isn’t like global warming, where some political right-wing perverse thinking process can make you pretend it doesn’t exist. Vegans live longer, vegans have healthier lives overall. They have lower blood pressure, less diabetes, less obesity, less arthritis, less inflammation, fewer bad knees, and sore backs. I’m not going to spout off a bunch of statistics to support my statements mainly because I’d have to get them exactly right and cite my sources meticulously; that would be a lot of work. But I’m a meat-eater, and I‘m just as lazy as you. I know you. You think all of this vegan talk is nonsense, but you won’t bother to check it out. Yet, if you did get off your proverbial butt for a few minutes, you’ll find a ton of evidence telling you the same thing. You’ll live better if you’re a vegan. I’m a believer. Amen. Don’t have to convince me of that.
What you will have to convince me of, is how I can get to keep any of those vegan weeds down my throat long enough to get any nutritional benefit before God makes me throw that crap back up. Most of that stuff was intended to be mowed, mulched, and put in a big plastic bag to be picked up on Thursday mornings. I really do want to be a Vegan! I get it! Bacon isn’t good for me. So please, make some kale that feels, smells and taste like bacon!
I know salads are very good for me; lots of vitamins and oh yeah, roughage. The only thing missing from a vegan salad is me. They all taste like crap if there isn’t an ample supply of cheese, ham, turkey and some white fatty mayo-like dressing. I always thought vinaigrette was just a French word for bleach.
Supporters of the vegan menu always tout the benefits of eating healthily. That’s all they can tout. It IS healthful- it’s just vitamins and minerals. No steak, no prawns, no grilled oysters. You weigh less because you eat less. You eat less because it all tastes like shit. But really, I wish I was a vegan.

Update: As of this posting, I’m almost a vegan, still a goodly amount of fish, a little chicken, but no mammals; am losing weight.

Related Articles

Back to top button